Thoughtful Thursday

It’s not them, it’s me…

I realized this morning that the escalation in naughty behaviour by my precious little boys isn’t actually so, and that the problem has been with the way that I have been reacting to said behaviour.  I have lost my Zen Mama Groove.  I am usually a much more mellow, easy going Mama.  Not letting the small things get to me.  Something changed.  Since the move here I have been saying that they boys behaviour has deteriorated to the point of disaster, and that I am at my wits end.  But maybe it is me.  Have I just given up trying?  Have I just lost the ability to handle them?  To have fun with them and enjoy their craziness and go with the flow?  I think so.  And this makes me sad. 

I need to lighten up.  Find my place again.  I have started taking the steps to get back into the groove that I enjoy.  Playing with my boys, baking, creating, getting involved in volunteering, learning.  Do what makes me happy.  Tired of worrying what people think or perceive as reality and get back to what really matters.  My boys.  All three of them.  Be kinder.  Talk sweeter. And stop being so hard on myself. 

Thoughtful Thursday

 

Those of you who know the Army, you are not going to be surprised by my next statement.  LOL

Sometimes the Army just doesn’t make sense to me.  Tee Hee.  But seriously, Jason just found out that at the end of June he will be heading BACK to Georgia for two months for a course.  (Don’t ask me what course, I didn’t get too many details)  Crazy right?  We report to Washington March 10th, hopefully get settled quickly and then three months later he is gone for most of summer break, back to where we just left.   Seems a little silly to me.

I should be use to being dropped off in new places and then have him disappear to a course, or deploy.  He has “done it” to me at each duty station.  Not by choice, I understand this, but still…come on people!   This wont be as bad as when we moved to Colorado and he left within a few weeks and left me with no drivers license, no ability to drive for that matter, no friends, a dog, and NO IMMIGRATION status….I did it all by myself that year.  And gained so much independence.  It made me realize that if I had to, I could do it all alone.  Kind of like this last deployment.  I was really scared to be a single mother for a year, but it helped me understand my strength….that if need be we would be JUST FINE.  And now we are happy to have him home and dread the day when he leaves us again…which apparently will be the end of June.

Never a dull moment.  Thank you Army for making me say, HUH?

Thoughtful Thursday

Well, the Mama Guilt is on overload today.  My buttons are like a brand new touch mouse pad….so sensitive.  I am not sure what is going on, but Jakob and I have been battling for weeks.   We have our good days, and good moments, but for the most part we are not liking each other very much.  There are just a few behaviours that drive me up the wall, WHINING and BACK TALKING are at the top of that list.  Jakob has always been a whiner….he thinks that if he whines he will get what he wants. Not so much.  For some strange reason he has now decided that back talking is the way to go as well.  Again, not so much.  There are days that my tolerance for his behaviours is pretty high, but these last few days that is not the case.  I have spent more time yelling and arguing with him (I know, arguing with him is not the way to go), than I have loving on him.  This makes me feel so guilty.  I understand that this is just a few days out of a (hopefully) long life together, and that I shouldn’t let it get to me, that we all have these days….but it kills me.   

I want to have fun with my boys.  But it is hard for me to have fun with them when I don’t feel that they deserve it for acting poorly.  I am in a catch 22 position.  And here we are thinking about driving to the Jacksonville Zoo on Saturday….and Jakob has been misbehaving in school and he and I had a huge blow out this morning walking to school.  Do we still go?  Will he consider it a reward for his bad behaviour?  Or do we suffer for it too and stay home, knowing that it will be a rough day of whining that we didn’t get to go?

I need help.  I need a way to hold back my anger and not let this take over.  I need to figure out how to explain to Jakob that this behaviour wont be tolerated and that it is just disrespectful to talk to us like that.  I need to get back to parenting with love, not a raised voice and punishment.  I am taking any advice you may have for me.  Lay it on me, books, strategies, things that have worked for you, bribes, anything….please.  I feel desperate at this point.

No TWD...again...damn humidity

Well...I really wanted to make this week's Coconut Roasted Pineapple Dacquoise....minus the pineapple. But I was reading on the P&Q that humidity would be an issue. I knew this...I have made meringues in the middle of summer and had them come out chewy and not so meringue-y. So I didn't want to take the risk, even though I secretly like chewy meringues! But with already wanted to sub out the pineapple and the crazy humidex here in GA I just plain bailed.


I apologize to Andrea, of Andrea in the Kitchen, for not participating...please don't hate me! I promise to make this by the end of the year when the weather isn't so sticky! And be sure to stop by Tuesdays with Dorie and take a peak at all the other creations.


Oh....Check out our new logo....pretty awesome eh?


Thanks to Jaime of Good Eats n’ Sweet Treats for passing our contest info on to her friend Lisa of Surviving Oz for creating it. It Rocks!


More treats to follow.....


Take Care,
Tania
Love Big, Bake Often

A twd ho hum dee dum

Tiramisu. I had such hopes. But I hate so say that Dorie let me down. It might be that I had to substitute some ingredients, and misread some of the directions, but I am not sure. Looking at some of the other stunning ones (like this one by Rebecca) I realize that I failed. Mine were dry, forgot the mini chocolate chips, and didn't make enough filling/frosting to cover my little cakes.

So please don't judge the recipe by my attempt! Check out all the other great cakes from the others at Tuesdays with Dorie, and you can find the recipe over on Megan's blog My Baking Adventures.

So all you get from me is this picture.....

And maybe an agreement to try this again!

Take Care

Tania

Love Big, Bake Often