Thoughtful Thursday

Well, the Mama Guilt is on overload today.  My buttons are like a brand new touch mouse pad….so sensitive.  I am not sure what is going on, but Jakob and I have been battling for weeks.   We have our good days, and good moments, but for the most part we are not liking each other very much.  There are just a few behaviours that drive me up the wall, WHINING and BACK TALKING are at the top of that list.  Jakob has always been a whiner….he thinks that if he whines he will get what he wants. Not so much.  For some strange reason he has now decided that back talking is the way to go as well.  Again, not so much.  There are days that my tolerance for his behaviours is pretty high, but these last few days that is not the case.  I have spent more time yelling and arguing with him (I know, arguing with him is not the way to go), than I have loving on him.  This makes me feel so guilty.  I understand that this is just a few days out of a (hopefully) long life together, and that I shouldn’t let it get to me, that we all have these days….but it kills me.   

I want to have fun with my boys.  But it is hard for me to have fun with them when I don’t feel that they deserve it for acting poorly.  I am in a catch 22 position.  And here we are thinking about driving to the Jacksonville Zoo on Saturday….and Jakob has been misbehaving in school and he and I had a huge blow out this morning walking to school.  Do we still go?  Will he consider it a reward for his bad behaviour?  Or do we suffer for it too and stay home, knowing that it will be a rough day of whining that we didn’t get to go?

I need help.  I need a way to hold back my anger and not let this take over.  I need to figure out how to explain to Jakob that this behaviour wont be tolerated and that it is just disrespectful to talk to us like that.  I need to get back to parenting with love, not a raised voice and punishment.  I am taking any advice you may have for me.  Lay it on me, books, strategies, things that have worked for you, bribes, anything….please.  I feel desperate at this point.

Happy New Year....

Happy New Year everyone! If you need to learn how to say it in any other language, check out my friend J's blog. She's so clever in coming up with these kinds of blogs. And I love reading about her twins and how quickly they are growing up.

I am really hoping to make this year a great one. I pledge to be a more patient being. To hold my tongue and watch what I say. To be more patient with all three "boys" in my life. To watch what I put into my body and make more of what goes in there by myself. I pledge to make more meals for my family and less eating out, wait that kinda goes with the previous pledge. I pledge to show my family more love. To spend more time outdoors with my kids. To keep in touch with people who I love and are important to us as a family.

And on the blog side, I pledge to continue to bake and cook, and post pictures and blogs about all the creations made. To learn how to take much better photos - I am so jealous and envious of other blogs (check out some on my blog list, they are awesome) and so I am motivated to learn how to use my camera to create some food masterpieces. I pledge to participate in all my group baking extravaganzas as often as humanly possible. And last but not least, I pledge to bake more for all the people I love.

I hope everyone had a great new year's celebration - we were in bed by 10:45. Jason's pain meds had kicked in and I didn't really want to stay up alone. The boys were dreaming peacefully in their beds. So I went to bed with Jason and dreamed about all the wonderful things I hope happen this year.

All the best to everyone for 2009. And remember, love BIG, bake often....

Tania