Thoughtful Thursday

It’s not them, it’s me…

I realized this morning that the escalation in naughty behaviour by my precious little boys isn’t actually so, and that the problem has been with the way that I have been reacting to said behaviour.  I have lost my Zen Mama Groove.  I am usually a much more mellow, easy going Mama.  Not letting the small things get to me.  Something changed.  Since the move here I have been saying that they boys behaviour has deteriorated to the point of disaster, and that I am at my wits end.  But maybe it is me.  Have I just given up trying?  Have I just lost the ability to handle them?  To have fun with them and enjoy their craziness and go with the flow?  I think so.  And this makes me sad. 

I need to lighten up.  Find my place again.  I have started taking the steps to get back into the groove that I enjoy.  Playing with my boys, baking, creating, getting involved in volunteering, learning.  Do what makes me happy.  Tired of worrying what people think or perceive as reality and get back to what really matters.  My boys.  All three of them.  Be kinder.  Talk sweeter. And stop being so hard on myself. 

Thoughtful Thursday

 

Those of you who know the Army, you are not going to be surprised by my next statement.  LOL

Sometimes the Army just doesn’t make sense to me.  Tee Hee.  But seriously, Jason just found out that at the end of June he will be heading BACK to Georgia for two months for a course.  (Don’t ask me what course, I didn’t get too many details)  Crazy right?  We report to Washington March 10th, hopefully get settled quickly and then three months later he is gone for most of summer break, back to where we just left.   Seems a little silly to me.

I should be use to being dropped off in new places and then have him disappear to a course, or deploy.  He has “done it” to me at each duty station.  Not by choice, I understand this, but still…come on people!   This wont be as bad as when we moved to Colorado and he left within a few weeks and left me with no drivers license, no ability to drive for that matter, no friends, a dog, and NO IMMIGRATION status….I did it all by myself that year.  And gained so much independence.  It made me realize that if I had to, I could do it all alone.  Kind of like this last deployment.  I was really scared to be a single mother for a year, but it helped me understand my strength….that if need be we would be JUST FINE.  And now we are happy to have him home and dread the day when he leaves us again…which apparently will be the end of June.

Never a dull moment.  Thank you Army for making me say, HUH?

Thoughtful Thursday

Well, the Mama Guilt is on overload today.  My buttons are like a brand new touch mouse pad….so sensitive.  I am not sure what is going on, but Jakob and I have been battling for weeks.   We have our good days, and good moments, but for the most part we are not liking each other very much.  There are just a few behaviours that drive me up the wall, WHINING and BACK TALKING are at the top of that list.  Jakob has always been a whiner….he thinks that if he whines he will get what he wants. Not so much.  For some strange reason he has now decided that back talking is the way to go as well.  Again, not so much.  There are days that my tolerance for his behaviours is pretty high, but these last few days that is not the case.  I have spent more time yelling and arguing with him (I know, arguing with him is not the way to go), than I have loving on him.  This makes me feel so guilty.  I understand that this is just a few days out of a (hopefully) long life together, and that I shouldn’t let it get to me, that we all have these days….but it kills me.   

I want to have fun with my boys.  But it is hard for me to have fun with them when I don’t feel that they deserve it for acting poorly.  I am in a catch 22 position.  And here we are thinking about driving to the Jacksonville Zoo on Saturday….and Jakob has been misbehaving in school and he and I had a huge blow out this morning walking to school.  Do we still go?  Will he consider it a reward for his bad behaviour?  Or do we suffer for it too and stay home, knowing that it will be a rough day of whining that we didn’t get to go?

I need help.  I need a way to hold back my anger and not let this take over.  I need to figure out how to explain to Jakob that this behaviour wont be tolerated and that it is just disrespectful to talk to us like that.  I need to get back to parenting with love, not a raised voice and punishment.  I am taking any advice you may have for me.  Lay it on me, books, strategies, things that have worked for you, bribes, anything….please.  I feel desperate at this point.

Thoughtful Thursday

I am not sure if I have mentioned it on here….but I am starting my own ”Happiness Project”.  If you aren’t familiar with it, you can check out the blog here….and pick up the book here. Gretchen Rubin spent a year working on becoming a happier person, one month at a time, tackling new resolutions and creating her own Twelve Personal Commandments, the Secrets of Adulthood and Four Splendid Truths.

The basic premise of it is taking small steps each month to try to be a happier person!  And this is not to say that I don’t think I am already a happy person, because I am. I love my life.  My marriage is in a great place, even though he is thousands of miles away.  My boys are a joy as always, even when they drive me to pour a glass of wine at 5 pm. And I a loving being a stay at home Mama again, and working on my cookie biz.  I just believe that there are things that I may be missing that could make me a happier person.  Personal growth is never a bad thing right??

I find her Twelve Personal Commandments to be inspiring in themselves.  I forsee post it notes around the house reminding me of them.  Here they are:

1. Be Gretchen – I plan on Being Tania!
2. Let it Go
3. Act the way I want to feel
4. Do it NOW (this is going to be a tough one for me)
5. Be polite and be fair
6. Enjoy the process
7. Spend out
8. Identify the problem
9. Lighten up
10. Do what ought to be done
11. No calculation
12. There is only LOVE

Pretty simple, yet kind of profound.  Wouldn’t life be easier if we all followed these?

So today was my first day.  I have decided to pick and choose the different “resolutions” from each month and add a couple of my own.  Make sense?  To kick start my Happiness Project I will be making the following additions and keep track of them each day – giving myself a gold star for each as Gretchen would say.

• Clean the kitchen before going to bed (I am sad to say that this is hard for me! but Jason will be happy about it!!)
• Clean out the closets (time to downsize this place before we move – this make take more than one month!)
• Tackle a nagging task
• Use my To Do list
• Follow the “One Minute Rule” – don’t put something off that only takes a minute to do
• Observe the evening tidy up – pick up the toys, shoes etc before going to bed
• Try not to raise my voice as much
• Exercise – this is going to be another toughie – but there is no reason that I can’t fit it into my day

There you have it.  This is the start of something good.  I can FEEL it. And I plan to post my way through it.

Let me know if you have any tips on being a happier person, if you have done your own Happiness Project, or leave me a comment of support!

Thoughtful Thursday...Beginning of Summer

I cannot believe I am typing that.... Summer is starting here in GA. It got up to 85 degrees here today. It was HOT. So if this is what it is like in spring, I am really scared of what summer is going to be like. But the first signs of summer makes me think about what I love about summer. Late nights, late sunsets, popsicles, the smell of sunscreen (always a must), bug spray (going to buy stock, they are horrible here), grilling out (Jason's term), BBQ's with friends, hanging out in the driveway having beers with neighbours, trips to the ice cream store..... and so much more! So tonight we began our trip into summer by having popsicles after dinner, the yummy corn syrupy bad for you kind! YUM! It was the first popsicle of the season....and Aiden's first ever! Too much fun! Had to be done! And a good thing it happened on tubby night!

What are some of the first signs of summer for you? What do you look forward to as the season changes to summer? Favourite summer memory?

Here are the boys first summer popsicle pics:

Good times, good times! Now it is time for those tubbies....

Take care,

Tania

Love Big, Bake Often

Thoughtful Thursday

I wish I had the energy to write something profound tonight. But not tonight my lovely readers. Long day. Cranky children. Hubby studying. Job application to fill in. Monthly budget to stress over.

Maybe tomorrow....tie it in with a fixation. hmmmmmmmm....that could be fun.

Take care,
Tania
Love Big, Bake Often