Thursday, January 7, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday

It has been a very long time since I have written a Thoughtful Thursday post…but today I am feeling inspired.  I had a really good day.  We had a good morning routine, out the door on time, no arguments, had a great day at work, picked up the boys, no problems at school or daycare, had a pretty good dinner, a great tubby time, no fights to get dressed or brush teeth, and no fights going to bed!  It was a really good day.  And now I am sitting on the couch, watching some random tv show and blogging. 

I have been reading a parenting book…which I will get more into on another post…and am trying to better my parenting techniques as what I was doing certainly wasn’t working.  I was tired of the constant battles with Jakob, the yelling, the ultimatums, the threats, and none of it working.  I don’t want out time together to be spent fighting, battling for power, or for him to be scared of me.  Fear is not a parenting style! 

So we are trying some new things.  Jakob is being given choices – choices he can understand – choices he gets to make to learn the consequences and how they affect him.  Simple choices.  For example, to avoid the battle of putting on his jacket before going out into the cold, he has a choice – put on the jacket or carry it in case he gets cold.  This is a good one – he and I would always battle over this.  I was always thinking that I was doing him a disservice by forcing him to wear his jacket, thinking that he HAD to wear his jacket.  But that’s not true.  By letting him decide he feels empowered in his choice, and when he realizes that it is butt cold outside he will have his jacket to put on should HE choose to do so.  This was tough the first day of school…it was COLD.  And he chose to carry his jacket in his bag instead of wearing it. So when he was getting out of the car I could hear the gasps from the teachers, and feel the glares…of “how could she let her son come to school in just a long sleeved shirt and a hoodie?”…sooooo  I loudly declared….”Ok Jakob remember that since you chose to carry your jacket instead of wear it this morning, it is in your bag should you get cold.”  It didn’t get rid of the glares but it made me feel better, and I think it made Jakob feel good too….he was able to make a choice and we didn’t fight about it. 

Now, I wouldn’t allow choices to be made that would put him in danger, or harm him in any way.  He would not be given the choice to leave the jacket at home, but it is his choice to be cold should he chose – it wont kill him!  LOL

So we have been making choices….what to wear, either eating dinner or not – there are no more choices with dinner, if you don’t like what is for dinner you have to take one “no thank you” bite and move on.  I am not making different meals for us all….one meal – eat it or don’t.  The next meal is hours away….you will be hungry!  Aiden is having trouble understanding this but we are working on it.

I want my boys to be able to make their own decisions, to learn the consequences of their actions, to think before they act.  And I want them to learn how to do this at a young age.

I want to rethink the way I have been parenting…I want to have more days like today….because it was a really good day.

Take care,


Love Big, Bake Often


Bethie said...

You are a good mama, because you are a smart mama. I enjoyed reading your post. We all make decisions every single day of our lives,some bad, others good. You are laying a great foundation for your boys.

Dinner was a big issue with my kids, still is at times.

Krista said...

I know you wrote this post a while ago, but I am SO behind on my Google Reader so I'm just getting to it! I think this is a GREAT idea for a parenting change. I just recently took a class on the developmental stages of children and it fascinated me. Even though I don't have any children of my own, I'm always trying to apply it to other children. If you want to know more, just twitter or e-mail me! :)