Thoughtful Thursday

Well, the Mama Guilt is on overload today.  My buttons are like a brand new touch mouse pad….so sensitive.  I am not sure what is going on, but Jakob and I have been battling for weeks.   We have our good days, and good moments, but for the most part we are not liking each other very much.  There are just a few behaviours that drive me up the wall, WHINING and BACK TALKING are at the top of that list.  Jakob has always been a whiner….he thinks that if he whines he will get what he wants. Not so much.  For some strange reason he has now decided that back talking is the way to go as well.  Again, not so much.  There are days that my tolerance for his behaviours is pretty high, but these last few days that is not the case.  I have spent more time yelling and arguing with him (I know, arguing with him is not the way to go), than I have loving on him.  This makes me feel so guilty.  I understand that this is just a few days out of a (hopefully) long life together, and that I shouldn’t let it get to me, that we all have these days….but it kills me.   

I want to have fun with my boys.  But it is hard for me to have fun with them when I don’t feel that they deserve it for acting poorly.  I am in a catch 22 position.  And here we are thinking about driving to the Jacksonville Zoo on Saturday….and Jakob has been misbehaving in school and he and I had a huge blow out this morning walking to school.  Do we still go?  Will he consider it a reward for his bad behaviour?  Or do we suffer for it too and stay home, knowing that it will be a rough day of whining that we didn’t get to go?

I need help.  I need a way to hold back my anger and not let this take over.  I need to figure out how to explain to Jakob that this behaviour wont be tolerated and that it is just disrespectful to talk to us like that.  I need to get back to parenting with love, not a raised voice and punishment.  I am taking any advice you may have for me.  Lay it on me, books, strategies, things that have worked for you, bribes, anything….please.  I feel desperate at this point.

AboutOne Twitter Chat….Raising Kids

I have recently discovered AboutOne.  It is an online website to “Safely Store and Manage Your Household Information”.  A great site to record memories, scan and keep important documents, and health info about the whole family. And now I am going to be a blogger for them, check it out.  (scroll down and you will see me!) I am going to write bi-monthly posts about Military Life….the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Today’s twitter chat was about raising kids.  Some great questions, some interesting answers.

Question #1: What are your tips for traveling with children? Do you travel a lot with your family?

We use to travel quite a bit.  When we were living in Connecticut we were only about 8 hours from my parents and I would make the drive with Jakob (and then Aiden too) about every three months.  It was a long day of driving, but worth it.  Most visits it would be just me driving, leaving Jason at home, so I had to make sure I was prepared.  Snacks, drinks and toys all within reach.  I made sure that all the snacks were portioned out, and easy to open.  Drinks were either juice boxes or premade sippy cups.  And when Jakob and Aiden were infants I made sure to have water from home, or bottled water, for their bottles so that there wasn’t anything in the water that their tummies weren’t use to.

The other side of travelling with children is entertainment….keeping them occupied = happy children!  DVD players in the car was key for us….the perfect distraction.  Now it takes a bit more.  Both Aiden and Jakob are obsessed with my iTouch.  They love the games (the free apps are awesome), and the videos and sometimes the music.   I have a feeling it will be a lifesaver for our cross country trip to Washington.  8 days on the road…help me!

Question #2:  How much TV do you let your kids watch? Do you limit? What are their favourite shows?

I am guilty of my boys watching a lot of TV.  I know it isn’t right, I know it isn’t good for them….I know.  Enough said.

Shows…..Phineas and Ferb, Team Umizoomi, Magic School Bus, most of the shows on PBSKids, and the Food Network!!  LOL

Question #3: Has your child ever been bullied? Have you talked to them about this issue?

Jakob has not been bullied at school.  And Aiden isn’t in school.  Jakob is a pretty popular kid, bit of a teacher’s pet too.  But there have been days that he has come home and said others were mean to a friend, which strikes a convo about how it isn’t nice to be mean to someone.  He knows what is good and bad behaviour, what is nice and what is mean.  He’s a good egg.

Question #4: How do you give your children quality time?

Jason and I try our best to spend some one on one time with each of the boys.  Jakob is old enough to sit through a movie, but Aiden isn’t quite there yet, so Jakob gets some one on one time going to the occasional movie.  Aiden gets special treats like trips to the ice cream shop.  We also do things like taking one out to run errands while the other stays home. 

We also swap out bedtime.  We each take a boy, read or talk, and tuck in.  That way they are getting equal attention from us.

It’s important. We make it a priority.

Question #5: How do you treat yourself?

I am happy to say that I am pretty good at treating myself.  I work dinners out into our budget so that there are days that I don’t have to cook.  I take time with my friends to get our nails done, go out for lunch, or even go to the bookstore for a coffee and poke at some books.  I am lucky.  I have a great husband who understands that “if Mama ain’t happy, no one is happy”.  Jason is great at hanging with the boys so that Mama can have some me time.

I also find a few minutes at the end of the day to reflect.  I keep a gratitude journal and write the highlights of the day.  Things I am thankful for.   AboutOne has a section on their site for keeping track of memories and I am looking forward to adding to that part of my account as well.

Whew….Those are some great questions, and long answers.  It was a great opportunity to hear what some other mother’s are going through, and realizing that I am not alone, that we all have similar things going on, choices to make, and love for our children. I will definitely be participating in the AboutOne chats on twitter.  You can too!  Wednesday mornings, 10 am EST, #AOChat  See you there?