Monkey Monday: A Friends List

Yesterday the boys and I went to Priest Pointe Park for the afternoon….to make new friends.  Finally, Amanda and my schedules worked and we were finally getting to meet face to face.  The boys were excited to meet new people and have some fun…my little extroverts. It was a beautiful day, a fun afternoon filled with yummy snacks, sunshine, and new friends.

On the way home Jakob suggested we make a “Friends List” to keep track of all of our friends.  And while that seemed like a good idea for them, it got me thinking about my own “Friends List”.  Are there people on my list that I need to erase?  Are there people who got left off the list that I need to put back on?  Definitely, on both counts.  I need to work harder to put those people back on it….desperately.  And those that need to be erased…need to do that too…don’t need the negativity and stress that comes along with it.  I am exhausted from trying to keep those people on the list when they don’t make the same effort.

Do you have a Friends List?  Do you need to do some housekeeping to your List?  What do you do to help rebuild a damaged friendship?

Thoughtful Thursday

It’s not them, it’s me…

I realized this morning that the escalation in naughty behaviour by my precious little boys isn’t actually so, and that the problem has been with the way that I have been reacting to said behaviour.  I have lost my Zen Mama Groove.  I am usually a much more mellow, easy going Mama.  Not letting the small things get to me.  Something changed.  Since the move here I have been saying that they boys behaviour has deteriorated to the point of disaster, and that I am at my wits end.  But maybe it is me.  Have I just given up trying?  Have I just lost the ability to handle them?  To have fun with them and enjoy their craziness and go with the flow?  I think so.  And this makes me sad. 

I need to lighten up.  Find my place again.  I have started taking the steps to get back into the groove that I enjoy.  Playing with my boys, baking, creating, getting involved in volunteering, learning.  Do what makes me happy.  Tired of worrying what people think or perceive as reality and get back to what really matters.  My boys.  All three of them.  Be kinder.  Talk sweeter. And stop being so hard on myself. 

Thoughtful Thursday

Well, the Mama Guilt is on overload today.  My buttons are like a brand new touch mouse pad….so sensitive.  I am not sure what is going on, but Jakob and I have been battling for weeks.   We have our good days, and good moments, but for the most part we are not liking each other very much.  There are just a few behaviours that drive me up the wall, WHINING and BACK TALKING are at the top of that list.  Jakob has always been a whiner….he thinks that if he whines he will get what he wants. Not so much.  For some strange reason he has now decided that back talking is the way to go as well.  Again, not so much.  There are days that my tolerance for his behaviours is pretty high, but these last few days that is not the case.  I have spent more time yelling and arguing with him (I know, arguing with him is not the way to go), than I have loving on him.  This makes me feel so guilty.  I understand that this is just a few days out of a (hopefully) long life together, and that I shouldn’t let it get to me, that we all have these days….but it kills me.   

I want to have fun with my boys.  But it is hard for me to have fun with them when I don’t feel that they deserve it for acting poorly.  I am in a catch 22 position.  And here we are thinking about driving to the Jacksonville Zoo on Saturday….and Jakob has been misbehaving in school and he and I had a huge blow out this morning walking to school.  Do we still go?  Will he consider it a reward for his bad behaviour?  Or do we suffer for it too and stay home, knowing that it will be a rough day of whining that we didn’t get to go?

I need help.  I need a way to hold back my anger and not let this take over.  I need to figure out how to explain to Jakob that this behaviour wont be tolerated and that it is just disrespectful to talk to us like that.  I need to get back to parenting with love, not a raised voice and punishment.  I am taking any advice you may have for me.  Lay it on me, books, strategies, things that have worked for you, bribes, anything….please.  I feel desperate at this point.

Jakob... oh, sweet Jakob

I have a question, it has been on my mind for what seems like a very long time...
WHEN DID MY SON BECOME SUCH A WHINY KID??
Oh, wait, I remember.... when we turned his life upside down. Now don't get me wrong, Jakob always had some whine in him. He threw the odd fit, and whined when he didn't get his way here and there. But these days he whines about absolutely everything. And I mean EVERYTHING!! You could offer him a chocolate chip cookie and he would find something to whine about it. Every time I ask him to do something we have a battle. He wont listen, he crumbles and whines at the drop of a hat. He fights me on so much. I just don't have the will to fight any more. Every morning I wake up and think that it will be a better day, that I will find the patience to deal with him and try a different approach. I have tried just about everything. I tried making light of it and joking him into cooperating, telling him I don't understand when he is whining and talking in his uber whiny voice, to putting him in time out when he begins to whine, and even just plain ignoring him when he starts to whine. Nothing has worked. I feel like I am being held captive when he begins to whine. We can't leave the house until he is ready to go, he wont get dressed until he pretty much feels like it. I can't physically force him to do something, I am worried and a little afraid that I would be too rough because that would be when I hit my wall and lose it. I really just want to have a good day. I want to have a day when everyone is happy, there is no whining, and we have alot of good laughs. There is no real reason for his whining, I feel like it has become a habit for him. So how do I break this habit before I lose my mind! And before he teaches Aiden to start talking and whining at the same time?!?!

HELP!!

Tania
Love Big, Bake Often

michael j fox's marriage advice

"If a man says something in a forest and his wife isn't there to hear it, he's still wrong!"

Love it. Love him.

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Love Big, Bake Often
Tania