I have been doing a lot of thinking about prayers and praying these days. Growing up I was never taught to pray, who to pray to, and what it was all about. I didn't grow up in a "religious" house. If we went to church, it was on Christmas Eve to hear the carols, that's it. My father tried to take Tim and I to church (not really sure why), but his attempts were too little, too late. I have thought over the years about different religions and where I may fit in them. I spent a few years reading and thinking that Buddhism was the way to go. And part of me still feels that way now. I like being relaxed, I like believing that karma plays a role in our lives, that life is one big coincidence, that we don't make our own destiny but rather that destiny helps us make decisions. I wish I could follow more of the Buddhist principles...not hold grudges, learn more forgiveness, be kind to everyone no matter how they may have treated me.......but I have yet to find the key to that. Though I do think that I am a pretty forgiving, loving, kind person.
But I am getting off track. The questions I have to day are these, a) do you pray? b) how do you pray c) who do you pray to? d) do you believe that your prayers will be answered? e) and if they aren't, do you question why?
I have been trying to send out positive thoughts for my friend Janine's Mom. She is in surgery today. They are doing some serious surgery to do some more checking to diagnose the stage of her lung cancer so they can treat it properly. I have been asking everyone I know to pray for her, think positive thoughts...do whatever they can. But I wonder....if things don't go the way we want, who do we blame? I have trouble believing that there is an all powerful being out there that allows horrible things to happen to good people. I have a good feeling that if I had been a believer that I would have stopped at the sudden loss of both my father and step father in a ten month period. And then add the deaths of both my grandmothers to that.
And I wonder about a God that would take people away from others at such a young age (not my grandmothers, they both lived very very long and happy lives). I have been told, read, and heard in movies, that you have to know sorrow to know happiness. Really? I think I would be happy without having gone through all the pain and suffering I have in my life.
I could go on and on about this topic, but I wont. I am going to chalk this blog up to feeling helpless for not being in CT with Janine while her mother goes through this, and not having heard how the surgery went, if it is still going on, etc. etc. Stuck in GA in the rain, unable to do anything but wait. And continue to ask all that I know to pray or think happy thoughts that all goes well today and in the future for this family.
Sorry for the ramble. Tune in later for more baking goodness.
Love Big, Bake Often